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The tubular rocking cradle with the headrest that promised perfect crunches without the neck strain — rock forward, feel the burn, order now. Flip channels late at night in the mid-'90s and the Ab Roller infomercial was simply there, somewhere, always.
The chalky-sweet protein shake that lived in every 2000s gym bag, GNC aisle, and locker room — with the all-time-great fine print: Muscle Milk contains no milk. The name said milk, the label said otherwise, and eventually the FDA had thoughts.
Twelve DVDs, ninety days, a pull-up bar wedged in the doorframe, and a magic phrase — "muscle confusion." Tony Horton's basement bootcamp was the infomercial phenomenon of the late 2000s, and for a while it seemed like every dad, coworker, and college roommate in America was "doing P90X."
Billy Blanks in the headset mic, punching and kicking the air in front of a room of glistening people, and the infomercial promising that Tae Bo would do the rest. From late 1998 the four-tape set was in every living room: the VHS that turned taekwondo and boxing into aerobics and had your mom throwing jabs at the TV.
Suzanne Somers in a leotard, squeezing a blue-and-white spring between her knees, and the promise that you could squeeze your way to shapely hips and thighs. The ThighMaster infomercial ran so often in the early 90s that the thing was a punchline before most people owned one, and then they bought one anyway: more than 10 million of them.
Nintendo released a scale that played minigames, and somehow convinced the whole family to step on it every morning as entertainment. Yoga in the living room, soccer-ball heading by leaning, and a daily Body Test with opinions about your BMI — the fitness moment of 2008, long before the home-workout industrial complex.